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My reading list grows exponentially. Everytime I read a book, it'll mention three other books I feel I have to read. It's like a particularly relentless series of pop-up ads.
-A.J. Jacobs

Friday, April 2, 2010

First Page Blogfest

Kelly Lyman is hosting the First Page Blogfest! If you haven't signed up already, go...NOW! :)

This is my new first page from the after picture of the reconstructive surgery that my MS is in the process of getting. The MS even has a new name! The lovely ChristaCarol came up with it and I liked it a lot, plus I was needing a more creative title. The new title is Chance and here is the first page from the chapter titled Dead On:

***

The chimes of a door trilled in warning, but it was too late. By the time I looked up I’d already crashed into her. The last thing I saw before getting sucked in was the plastic sack tumbling out of her arms. My heart jumped and the world turned black as the image hit. There was no way to escape the unwanted vision from assaulting my mind.

She was tied up and gagged in a filthy room with grime caked on the walls. A man, wearing all black and a creepy rubber mask, stepped out from the shadows. The girl squirmed and squealed, with her black mascara streaking down her cheeks. Each boot made a loud distinct click on the concrete as he advanced on her. She thrashed around, frantically trying to get out of the rope shackles that clung to her.

Behind his back, gloved hands revealed a wire, taut and ready to be used. She panicked and flailed on the bed. The man moved closer with a low disturbing laugh. With one fluid movement he closed the gap between them, removed the gag, and twisted the rope around her neck. In no time at all, her screaming became gargled and her eyes bulged as she gasped for air. In her last futile attempt to stay alive, she jerked her body back and forth before turning limp; bloodshot eyes – wide, lips – blue.

The vision fizzled and I sucked in my breath, and tried to open my eyes, but couldn’t. The whole world was black and I couldn’t pull myself out and back to reality. My throat was tight, and I couldn’t get enough air to save my life. In the background, I could hear the distant wails of sirens and voices containing the urgency of the situation.

***
That's all folks! And come to think of it, this is the scene that I planned on posting for Anne Riley's Murder Scene Blogfest. Hmmm. Would that be cheating? Hope you enjoyed! :)

33 brilliant remarks:

Guinevere said...

Oh wow. That is an intense opening scene, and I want to know more about the MC RIGHT NOW. What in the world is going on?

Powerful stuff, Tiffany... If I picked this up in a bookstore, I'd have to read more!

Christine Danek said...

Wow! very intense. I want to read more. Great job!

Portia said...

Creepy and intense. What a vivid first page!

sarahjayne smythe said...

Wow. Intense and creepy is right. So vivid I feel it. Very powerful stuff, and I would definitely want to know more about how this goes. :)

Charity Bradford said...

I agree with everyone else. Very intense, confusing enough to make me keep reading, but not so confusing that I put it down. Did that make sense? LOL

Crystal Cook said...

Wow, very intense. You have my interest!! Very nice job Tiffany, I love it!

DL Hammons said...

Right into the thick of things from the get-go. I like that. For me it almost guarantees I'll turn the page. The sense of dread was very evident. Great job!

Summer said...

Yeah! What they said ^^. I would definitely have to turn this page.

Tara said...

Wow, intense! A definite page-turner. I couldn't agree more with Guinevere's statement re: the bookstore!

roxy said...

Wow, you create powerful images! I could see the whole scene happening, and it scared me. Great first page, Tiffany.

Laura Pauling said...

The first paragraph confused me a bit because I wasn't sure what was sucking her in and who she just crashed into. But I love the freaky vision and the set up of a great mystery. Great writing!

Jemi Fraser said...

Great intro - really brings us right in to care about the character and wonder what in the world her life is like. Nicely done. :)

Natalie Murphy said...

OOOO! I loved it! I want to know what's going on!!!

Tere Kirkland said...

Whoa, that's a doozy of a vision! What happens next? ;)

Kelly Lyman said...

Wow. My stomach was doing flips while I read this- I could picture the girl with streaks coming down her face. Great job. You really drew me in. Thanks for participating!

Elaine AM Smith said...

That was a shock! I'd definitely post it in the murderfest too.
A powerful image to leave in the mind - a job well done.

maybe genius said...

So creepy, and such tension! Great job, Tiffany.

Shelley Sly said...

That's a hook right there. I agree with the others, very intense. Good job!

Amber Tidd Murphy said...

Wow!

I love the mystery. This is such a great opening scene.

Tina Lynn said...

Awesome first page! I'm totally sucked in...and a little creeped out. #justsayin

Catherine A. Winn said...

Unbelievably riveting! I got up and slid my deadbolt!

Shannon O'Donnell said...

Holy cow - talk about an opening hook! More, more, more!!! :-)

Talli Roland said...

Very intense. Made me scared, too! Great opening.

Roland D. Yeomans said...

Quite vivid and creepy.

Every agent whose blog I've read said they literally hated a novel that started with a dream or a vision, that the moment they realized that what they have read is one of the two, the manuscript gets rejected.

I wish it were different. You're a good writer. Your vivid beginning is no accident but a product of hard work and polishing. But what is the use of all your hard work if an agent hates your beginning?

Perhaps you could introduce the seer first, then blend in the vision?

I want you to have the thrill of being accepted by an agent. And with your obvious skill, you could draw their interest. I am sure of it. But I would not be kind to you if I didn't point out what the consensus of agents happens to be.

But, hey, I am not published either. So how wise could I be? Come see my first page and see what you think. That is if you don't hate me. Have a happily surprising weekend. Roland

Callie Forester said...

Roland could be right--I've read that before as well--but I always took it a bit differently. I always assumed they were referring to the book starting with a dream or vision and the reader not knowing it's a dream.

For example, let's say the book starts, "She was running..." and then leads through this whole intense chase scene...only to have the character wake up at the end and oh...it was a dream. Very disappointing.

To me, since you make it really obvious that she's actually experiencing a vision, i think it should work. Of course, it's worth looking into, just my opinion. I really liked it though. Very strong and great descriptions and pacing. It reminded me a bit of the Wake trilogy--have you read those?

Jen said...

I have an award for you over at my blog!

Amy Jo said...

Very intense! I'm curious to find out what happens next. I loved your vivid descriptions.

Lilah Pierce said...

Great intensity! Gripping right from the beginning! Great job!

Hosting Last Line Blogfest, details on my site.

Abby Annis said...

Good tension! Great job! :)

Jackee said...

Hi! So glad I found your blog through the Blogfest.

Loved the tension, like everyone else has said. I would even move the 3rd sentence as the first to begin even more into the thick of things--the reactive dumping of the bags, the actual contact of the two people. But it's great as-is.

Good luck!

Rachel Bateman said...

I like this a lot. I am really interested in what triggers these visions–the physical touch? I would absolutely read more of this.

And you should totally use it as your Murder Scene entry–it is perfect.

Amalia T. said...

Very interesting. I wish I could see more of the person bumped into and the MC, but I would definitely turn the page and keep reading here! (And two blogfests and one entry isn't cheating! It is ECONOMICAL! :)

MBW aka Olleymae said...

Wow--those are some strong images.

I absolutely LOVED the mascara down the face. I mean I didn't like that she was sad/scared, but I loved how vivid of an image it conjured in my mind as I read.

Also, I have heard comments from agents and editors along the lines of what Roland said above, but I completely agree with Callie Forester's take on your intro. We know it's a vision, there's no misleading here.

I want to see more...next MS maybe???