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My reading list grows exponentially. Everytime I read a book, it'll mention three other books I feel I have to read. It's like a particularly relentless series of pop-up ads.
-A.J. Jacobs

Sunday, February 21, 2010

TRUTHS

So, my house is clean. Like, clean clean. I thought it would be funny to share some interesting things I found in the playroom that I almost got lost in today.

1 piece of chewed bubble gum (bubble gum machine in playroom = not a good idea)
2 right shoes (Hmmm...)
7 socks (none were matching)
1 sippy cup (Gross - thrown away now)
12 oh-my-goodness-that's-my-most-favorite-toy-and-where-have-you-beens
1 favorite bracelet of mine
2 dead spiders (that I proceeded threaten my children with, "If you don't keep your playroom clean, look who comes to visit!!")
9 capless markers (WHY CAN'T YOU PUT THE DANG CAPS BACK ON??)
AND K3 was found in the rubble.

So, my muse, my beautiful and inspiring muse should be back, right? WRONG! She's off gallivanting around with another lover on an island sipping on pina coladas, while I'm stuck here smashing my head against the keyboard. Not cool.

While I wait for her, I guess I should reveal the true answers from my post yesterday. I really enjoyed getting to see what people thought were truths from my bald faced liar, ahem, creative award. Here they are again along with the story behind each. Even the lies have stories!!

1. I have sidonglobophobia. Look it up.
Not true. I was actually trying to find a phobia related to toilets, well, because who doesn't like toilet humor. But, no, I am not afraid of cotton balls. That's just weird. Now, if you came at me with a q-tip, that'd be a different story...
I also have to say that it's so great that DL pointed out that if you google sidonglobophobia my blog shows up. :)

2. I threatened to take K1 to live with another family, packed her bags, and even drove her to her new family's house.
Um. Yeah. So, I did. Call child protective services on me. But, in my defense, she told me that she didn't like her family and she wished she had a different one. It was hard not smiling as we all packed up in the car and I drove to a not-so-nice neighborhood down the road, all the while telling her how her "new" family had rats and spiders all over their house. It was classic when I saw a man mowing his front yard with a HUGE mask covering his face, and I knew IT was the house. K1 begged to come home. :) EVIL mommy.

3. I've been hit by a car while running.
Not true. But, plenty of my cross country friends in high school were. Who knew cross country runners put their lives in danger every time they'd go for a run?

4. I showed up late to a final exam and ended up falling down an entire flight of stairs in a lecture hall.
TRUTH. Yeah, well without going into back story (since everyone hates back story) I woke up on my bathroom floor with the ink from the back of my hand stained onto my cheek at the time that my final exam was starting. Without brushing my teeth, washing the stamp of my face, or even trying to look among the living, I drove straight to campus. Of course it was my only class in a lecture hall. I burst through the doors 20 minutes after the test started, and if that didn't get me enough attention, I proceeded to fall down the entire flight of stairs. Tumbling, twisting, and bumping down each and every step, the mangled mess of myself lay at the bottom of the stairs. All 300 eyeballs stared. And then two more eyeballs, belonging to my professor, came over to the edge of the stage and decided to mortify me that much more. "Nice of you to show up today." If I could have slithered into a nearby seat, I would have, but I couldn't move. Not out of sheer embarrassment, but because I swore my leg was broken. Some way-to-nice guy picked me up off the floor (probably gagging from the stench emitting from my pores and mouth) and placed me in a chair. I took the test, but by the time I was finished, my leg was throbbing so bad, I couldn't even walk out to my car. Needless to say, I had sprained my ankle. Embarrassing moment #216.

5. I once forgot that I had K2 with me and didn't drop her off at daycare and didn't realize it until I pulled up to work.
This almost happened. I realized it after I had just passed her daycare a minute before and she sneezed. Thank God she sneezed. And at least I didn't make it all the way to work.

6. One time, I accidentally put my car in reverse at a toll booth and ran into the car behind me. It was my husband.
HA! I didn't do this, but a friend of mine did. She even took off afterwards, leaving the toll booth attendant in shock!

7. I skipped a grade and graduated a year early from high school.
I'm no Doogie Howser peeps.

Hope you enjoyed my creativity... :)
Tomorrow, I'll be posting my WHOOPS! blogfest entry that Laurel has set up. Join in the fun times!!

12 brilliant remarks:

Tina Lynn said...

*wipes Dr. Pepper off monitor* Nice!

Ann Elle Altman said...

Those are so funny except where you fell down the stairs...it's funny but I really shouldn't laugh.

ann

Christopher said...

haha! So you did threaten to take her to another family. I'm impressed!

Shelley Sly said...

I literally laughed out loud at your first list ("If you don't keep your playroom clean, look who comes to visit!!") Haha. Thanks for making my morning.

Callie Forester said...

hehe...I remember those days of cleaning the playroom. You never knew what you'd find. One time I walked in and my three year old had managed to unzip a bean bag chair. Have you ever seen the white stuff they put in them? It's as light as snow and drifts everywhere. The entire playroom was covered, my three year old was covered, my two year old was covered. It took me ages to clean up, but I laughed my ass off!

Loved the list! I am a firm believer in the sock thief. He sneaks into your house in the dead of night and steals only one sock from each pair. I'm not sure what his motivation for this is...but I KNOW he exists!

Sharla said...

Too funny!!! Love the stairs one...although I probably shouldn't. And I did the "forgetting the daycare" one, she fell asleep and thank God I snapped when I parked at work. And doubly thanks that her daycare was only 3 blocks away at the time.

I've seen your name around on other blogs and then saw your name on the DFW Conference so I thought I'd come say hellooooo. I'm east of Houston, and I'll be there too.

Chelsea & Nick said...

Great post!! But next time, I'll take Kennedy!!

Chelsea & Nick said...

Lies. Don't know why I wrote that but I've been dying to all day.

DL Hammons said...

Your most welcome for that interesting piece of information. I was also the guy in high school who would have told you if there was something interesting about you written on the wall in the boys bathroom. :)

Kimberly Franklin said...

I tried to comment on this last night but it wouldn't let me. Anyway, love your answers. : D

Christi Goddard said...

I've done something very similar to #2 myself.

Courtney Reese said...

No fair! I wanna go to the DFW Conference too! Having it so close and not being able to go is killing me!!! Stupid money; it's always ruining my fun.

I think our muses went off to that island together, because---fa la la la la, I got nothin' over here, either.